Arch you surprised I’m not freaking out?!

Is it just me, or did fortune cookies become absolutely terrible? I mean the fortune, not the cookie; that much seems to still be on par, although I don’t really like the cookie part anyways…just a personal dislike. At any rate, for the last few years, my fortunes haven’t seemed so much of fortunes but more statements telling me what kind of person or some life lesson. Every time I open one, I get excited to see what it’s going to say, but then I’m immediately disappointed because it’s either a repeat fortune I’ve gotten before or something that doesn’t at all seem to suggest anything about my future. Is it that fortune cookie texts have changed, or have I become obsessed with knowing what’s coming in my near future?

I’ve always liked to plan out what’s going on in my life for both the immediate future as well as the not-so-near future. I feel like it calms me, keeps me on track and gives me something to strive for. While I always have very distinct and specific plans and expectations, the means to which I’ve gone about determining that they are the correct choice haven’t always been traditional; my share of fortune cookie, Magic 8 ball and “signs” have helped me along the way. I’ve looked to these measures to decide whether or not I should do something or what to focus on.

Sometimes, especially during the school year, I tediously begin writing down what I will be doing for the week, hour-by-hour. This is absolutely outrageous, and I’m fully aware of that. I also realize that more than 99% of the time, I don’t wind up following the schedule by any means. Something will come up or I will realize the impossibility of completing all of the tasks I have left myself to complete in a given amount of time and I wind up straying away from the schedule. I’ll also make general lists of things I’d like to accomplish in a day or week, or both. It can get scary how many different lists I may need to feel less anxious about something. The moment I feel ideas running through my mind, I have to start writing them down for fear I will lose even just one of them.

In the grand scheme of things, I know I need to stop looking to my fortune to help me decide what to do, especially when one of my sister’s last fortune cookies told her that “a tub and a rub will make our day.” I don’t know that I need to slow down on planning my future because that has really only brought about positive things to my life. But I do think there is a step I can take in the right direction; I need to learn how to be more spontaneous.

I do not like not being prepared for something, like feeling like I don’t have the right outfit on to be somewhere. That’s just an example, but I honestly don’t enjoy going somewhere that I haven’t had enough time to sufficiently mentally prepare for, or something to that nature. I’m certainly not introverted, and this has nothing to do with social interactions. Instead, I just like to get pumped up for doing something, even if it’s just going to the grocery store. I want to know at least some hours before that I am going. If I wind up going somewhere without having a little bit of time to think about it, I feel slightly off. I don’t mean to sound crazy, but maybe I am. Maybe the lack of spontaneity and the incessant need to plan, organize and prioritize has gone to my head. I’m working on it, I swear.

My first step in the strides to spontaneity is more like a leap or lunge for me, really. I have officially agreed to travel to St. Louis with my boyfriend for our 7 year anniversary this weekend. We’ve never gone on a vacation alone, and the fact that we were planning it two days in advance is so incredibly stressful to me. We managed to reserve a hotel room and have picked out what we will be doing each day, but I’m not going to be like those people in the movies (or on Duck Dynasty) who make an itinerary and everyone on the trip wants to destroy them and their schedule. I’m just going to make sure we’re prepared with directions and whatever else we may need. The rest is up in the air. The trip itself sprung up on me, and I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone and have fun. The less stress, the better. It is supposed to be a vacation, after all. And a celebratory one at that.

Hopefully from now on I can be ever so slightly more spontaneous and less judgmental of fortune cookies. Who am I kidding, I’ll probably go ask a cootie catcher if we picked the right hotel…

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