Perhaps it is the weather, but I do think something is missing inside of my daily routine that makes me slack, complain, and feel sad.
Perhaps it is because I lost my grandfather, but I don’t know how to relieve that or how anyone could help me with that. Although it probably contributes to this pain I feel, I don’t think that’s the case. If anything, the thought of him just makes me want to work harder in life.
So what is this sudden feeling of helplessness? I guess the root of it might have been influenced by my weekend at Winterfest and trying to understand more about Christianity since I never knew about it growing up besides that some people just believed in a God and some didn’t. It left me with more questions, and I don’t think it was good–but overall I still had fun with everyone and I’m thankful for the experience. I guess I just feel like I don’t belong in that “crowd” and need space to myself to figure things out.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and things become less and less sure. I mean, what if I don’t get into medical school? What if I don’t get married? What if I never have kids? What if the world really does end this year in December? What if what I really want to do is start working after receiving my Bachelor’s degree? I wish school didn’t take so long because you have to push some things farther and farther away and you have to neglect some things that used to make you really happy. I want to be motivated again, but right now it’s kind of gloom and doom over here. Then again, I might just be overreacting because “I’m still young.”
I hate that excuse for everything. The whole elementary and secondary education system treats their students like they don’t know anything and when they come to college, then they REALLY don’t know anything.
Reader, do you have any obstacles that are getting in the way of your “plans” for the future, and how do you get by?
Okay, I’ll stop being so mopey. I’m going home to fill out my FAFSA and apply for summer programs so I can have something to look forward to! Things have been okay with school, but I know I need to stop being social and revert back to the person I was last semester and last year in terms of studying schedules. I finally got a smartphone and all I do is feed microbes (live wallpaper) and check Facebook. Remember when I would never go on? Oh it’s a curse.